Sunday, September 11, 2011

Learning Curve

The past week leading up to National Invisible Illness Awareness week has been one of the most difficult for me since I was first diagnosed 5 years ago. Today was my first day out of my house in 10 could say I am suffering from a bit of cabin fever on top of everything else.

My RA has been "active" for months now. I'm not even sure I realized that I was in a "flare" until it was basically too late to control. I smile to myself because up until last week, I hadn't realized the difference, even though I have always considered myself to be well-educated when it came to this disease. So either I am incredibly strong or significantly in denial as to the level at which my disease has progressed. I'm going with the latter of the two.

Without details, it basically comes down to the fact that I have gone through all of my basic options for treatment and am now moving into the treatment for "moderate to servere" rheumatoid arthritis. As I'm nodding in agreement at what my rheumatologist was telling me last week, in my head all I can hear is "WHAT?! Are you SURE?!" I came home talking to myself and telling myself that I'm fine and that I can still work.... I can still take care of my family....I can, you're right......I am having trouble with those things.

And, of course, the reality of taking stronger, more expensive medications is also starting to sink in as I read about the side effects and the precautions that you need to take and what you may be susceptible to, all along while paying anywhere from $150.00 to $1000.00 a month (depending on if I've met my deductible or not....geesh....). Seems like a high price to pay to get tuberculosis or even to get every virus that I come in contact with for that matter.

So, I'm still contemplating my choices while recovering from some sickness and trying to manage the pain of which is inevitably a flare at this point.

How much of a learning curve do I get for stubbornness again?


  1. I'm always on that curve... In fact.... I've never been off of it! As far as the not working decision, well, it's the hardest decision that I've ever made. I feel useless and unproductive... Let's not even go into the financial havoc!!!

    I'm always hete praying for you!!