Monday, August 1, 2011

Bras, BenGay, and Being a Year Older

There are a few things that have brought me down a few steps this week, one of them being shopping. I used to love shopping, few women don't. However, I find the variety of shoes that a fashionista with rheumatoid arthritis has to choose from has dwindled, even more than before. Maybe it's my budget is too small, but I can't bring myself to pay big bucks for shoes, even if they are the most comfortable pair this side of the Mississippi. The other area of shopping that has me completely beside myself is bra shopping. As if bras weren't uncomfortable enough, combine that with a back that's riddled with fibromyalgia pain and the choices evaporate altogether. My husband and I went shopping Saturday and I couldn't even look to see if there were things I liked because my shoulders hurt so bad from holding my arms up for more than 10 seconds.

Secondly.....who likes to smell like a pharmacy?! Don't get me wrong, I have days where I love....I mean, Tylenol Precise or the new Ben Gay Cooling gel. I am hot by nature (smokin' hot, honestly), so the cooling gel is awesome because it doesn't make me feel really hot. And, for the most part, they work. Albeit temporarily, they still work long enough for me to get a nap in sometimes....but that brings me to the third point......

"It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right." ~Job 32:9

I'm only 33. Wait, scratch that....I'm 32 until Wednesday,. Yep. That's it. I know that sometimes reading my posts probably makes it seem like I'm a lot older, and believe me most days I FEEL old. I feel really old. Like I need to retire from my 40 hours a week kind of old sometimes. I like to think that in my 33 years, the past 5 especially, have made me a "wiser" person. Not as in wise-cracky, but educated. I have spent hour, upon hour, looking for answers regarding my illnesses and desperately trying to connect with people that understand and just "get it" without me having to explain why I feel the way that I do. I have found great camaraderie from people both online and in the small group that I lead through my church.

Camaraderie: n. : a spirit of friendly good-fellowship

So as I turn another year older, I can laugh about my Ben Gay, I can complain that there are no cute shoes, and I can cry with the few girls I know that will truly understand why finding a bra is so defeating and so difficult. The Lord has absolutely blessed me in the face of great much so, that I can't help but find myself going back to the scripture that first started me on this blog journey....

"Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God's words; if help, let it be God's hearty help." ~1 Peter 4:10 (The Message)

Even disease, as much of a disability as it may be, is a gift from God if it's used in the right capacity. Thank you, Lord. You have blessed me more than even I'm aware sometimes.